As a man of unparalleled Dapperness & Wealth™, I loathe the 15th of April almost as much as I loathe my continually reoccurring case of the Prawns.
I so despise having to give a penny of my hard-earned (earned by someone else) money to the "Man" only to have it be given to supporting various ridiculous services, organizations, charities, and worth-while associations that I'm not directly affected by...
How will this help me purchase those fur pants I've been eyeing, if I have to give .0001% of my income (I have a great accountant) to help pay for silliness such as the police, army, fire, or civil services? I say Anarchy in the streets! I have my penthouse safe room AND access to the Worthington Family Armageddon Bungalow™ on the Cape. Plus, my new manservant Chatsworth is trained in the deadly arts. Not sure which ones, but they're DEADLY...
So when I came upon literature pertaining to something called a "Tea Party" rallying against taxes, I though it my civic (ie. greed-induced) duty to attend. Well, actually it was the rumors of "Tea Bagging" that got me a tad bit more titillated. Tax protest AND orgy. What a great combination!
But upon arriving (wearing my special quick-releasing silk ORGY pants), I saw no such activities taking place. And to be brutally honest, I wouldn't even want to dangle my treasured man-sack in any of these homely pie-holes. The nerve of such false advertisement!
After storming out, it dawned on me...
The perfect protest is to drink heavily! Hence this weeks Drink of the Week:
Tax Time Tea Baggin' Toddy
1 All-American, Red-blooded Lipton Tea Bag
4 Shots Wal Mart Barn-Burnin' Brandy
1 Tbsp. Honey (From some God Forsaken Dustbowl State)
1 Lemon Slice (Carved in the shape of a Bald Eagle)
1 1934 Minted $1000 bill
Steep tea in hot water for 10 minutes. Place tea bag off to side. Mix in brandy and honey. Garnish with Lemon Eagle. Place $1000 bill in mug, light on fire, then throw drink out of nearest window, or if incarcerated down the toilet. Now drop cold tea bag into mouth, and stew about giving away both your precious booze and money.