Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Maintaining your P-Zone™


If I've said it once, I've said it a million times...

Proper grooming starts in your pants.

I'm in full preparation mode for my annual ritual of streaking through the Center Court championship game at Wimbledon (which is a time honored Worthington family tradition: I'd like to think we put the CREAM in the Strawberries & Cream), so I know the value of a well maintained Shrub Sack.

Unfortunately, those damned Bobbies covered up a "smashing" ode to Michael Caine. That copper may have covered the strawberries, but he still got himself a healthy hatful of cream!

Frankly, why bother leaving your Man Cave, if you have unruly, unkempt, and unhygienically dreadlocked pubic hair? Ask yourself... Does your buttocks hair regularly get caught in your zipper? Do you have to work your pubes into Squaw-styled Pigtails just to find your Johnson? Is there a nest of Madagascar Sub-Desert Mesites inhabiting your twisted briar patch of man bush? Then Sir, you have some seriously disturbed follicle issues, but thankfully you've come to the right establishment: Link's House of P-Zone™ Salonery is open for business!

P-Zone™, you ask? Why, yes, I answer. Just as a certain dromedary-festooned cigarette brand (that my lips would never touch... I'm a Chesterfield man myself) has it's "T-Zone for Taste ", I have my P-Zone™ for "PROPERLY PRUNED PUBIC PALACE". When your well maintained P-Zone™ now meets a lovely dish face to face, you can feel supremely confident that upon slipping off your trousers and leopard-print thong, instead of uncontrollable gagging and dry heaving, you'll receive a rousing standing Ohhh-vation!

All you need are a set of clippers, generous globs of shaving powder, and your imagination.

Here's some classic P-Zone™ styles I don when the occasion arises:

And here's some duds I WILL NOT sport under ANY occasion:

My gonad-itude is too precious to be cheapened by trendy pop culture references. Only the classics for this gent. So drop those drawers, grab the tweezers and landscape that P-Zone™ post haste!

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