Link's Drink of the Week: The Flaming Peruvian Nipple Twister

Ah, yes...

One of the most impressive, yet impossibly difficult drinks to produce. The Flaming Peruvian Nipple Twister is the official drink for the International Bon Vivant, and an essential refreshment for my annual Peruvian Pillage & Plunder Pizarro Party, in which I don a Francisco Pizarro outfit and reenact his victory over Inca Emperor Atahualpa. Really get to show off my acting chops for this one.

Note: The Flaming Peruvian Nipple Twister is truly an unpalatable drink, but for historical accuracy and style, MUST be served in a devilishly dapper-esque hollowed out Maranka gourd.

DIRECTIONS:

3 part Peruvian Pisco (not that upstart Chilean swill)
2 part Vodka
2 part Mr. Pibb (they love this stuff)
2 scoops llama-milk ice cream
2 Maraschino Cherries

First, buy a first-class ticket to Lima, Peru. I only travel with Pan Am, and advise the same of you. But, I happen to be a card-carrying Platinum Member of the Mile High Diners Club, so my perks may be better than your complimentary bag of salty nuts!

Upon arriving at said destination, charter a local Incan guide and a team of 20 pack-mules/llamas/small children and trek east 250 kilometers to the hamlet of Huancayo, where you will proceed to purchase 125 Maranka gourds (since it will be a big party). Smuggle gourds and any llamas you may have taken a liking to back into the States, carve out all 125 gourds, and bring everything to my pad.

Now proceed as follows:

Place handful of ice and all liquids into gourd. Float two ample scoops of ice cream on top (luckily for us you brought back the llamas), position your cherries to mimic nipples, and light the whole damn thing on fire! Do this 124 more times, then get the hell out of my penthouse! You reek of llama-lovin'. Salud!