Good God, people. I really don't think you fully realize the level of difficulty I must endure in my pursuit of furthering the Great Patriotic Cause of Dapperness™. This "internet bloggery" thing is killin' me!
Last year, I invested in a new cutting edge, vacuum-tubed ARC 3270 Speedomatic automated computation machine, but now it seems to be on the fritz. And besides, I barely have enough room in my den for the "Human Sacrifice Volcano" for my upcoming Tiki Party, with all this mathematical computation junk everywhere. Where will I playfully rotisserize the "virgins"?
See what I mean? No room for a volcano!
So, I purchased a new computer. Something a tad smaller. I'll still have to hoof the punchcards to the local internet uploading interface command center, but it has to be done. It's my duty to you, the Un-Dapper™.
Behold... the future in Portable Bachelor Pad Automated Computing:
The LRC-4590A. Sleek and sexy. Able to compute at rates up to, but not exceeding, 17 calculations a minute, and with a memory of 1K. Now I can spread my Dapper™ seed even faster with this Pup! I just jammed all the important parts into the den AND have plenty of room for a wet bar AND a volcano.
See the sacrifices I make? It's all for YOU, so don't let me down, Gents. Oh, and speaking of sacrifices, King Pupu Platter is interviewing for Tiki Party Virgins to roast, so send in photos of girl friends, wives, mother-in-laws, or anything human or animal that looks good in a pâ`û heihei and coconut bra. Aloha!