Thursday, January 21, 2010

The Linkmobile

A man is defined by the style, the savoir-faire, the spirit, of the car in which he tools around the city. A chap in a travel-sized Japanese n500 Hondamatic, will convey a sense of being "Lean in the Manliness Department" to the ladies, while a sucker in a Ford Country Squire might as well have that ball n' chain hanging out the driver's side window, bouncing and sparking off the road as he transports the ankle-biters to their Piccolo lessons.

So what would I, Link Worthington III, jaunt within the confines of?

A brand new, state-of-the-art Cadillac Cyclone, of course!

Cutting edge, outer space-aliciousness. The future in horizontal inter-galactic transportation. You know Fellas, I thoroughly enjoy the sensation of being strapped to an out-of-control rocket, because that's how I live my Dapper™ life every day.

In order to maximize the Dapperness of such a technologically advanced vehicle, I had my tailor design a special space-age, tin foil jumpsuit and polarized Iridium goggles. I always keep a spare or two for any lovely "co-pilots" who may accompany me on my travels (ie. liquor & ice runs).

All that aside, I chose the Cyclone based on this brilliantly designed ad:

Why... Yes, I do have a desire to drive faster than the majority of flying phallic-shaped objects! I'll race any rocket-powered dildo for pink slips.

Alas, I've long fantasized of possessing a car in homage to those driven in Death Race 2000: A time in which a driver weren't unjustly persecuted for mowing down pedestrians, but richly rewarded with points and hot chicks.

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